Irreplaceable
by aleksa grey
Summary: Derek's back a year after he chose Addison and left Seattle but has the one person he's come back for moved on to far to ever return to him.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Derek Shepherd pushed the signed contract across the desk as the chief held out his hand.

"Its good to have you back Shep," Richard said shaking his friends hand and Derek nodded as he asked the one question he'd been waiting 365 days to ask.

"So how is she?"

Richard had no need to ask who _she_ was he had been expecting this question from the moment he had answered his phone to hear Derek's voice asking for his old job back.

"Meredith's doing fine…"

Derek's pulse raced just at the sound of her name being spoken out loud instead of just rebounding around inside his head. The night they had parted he thought it had been the last time he would see the face of the women who had saved him, hear the voice of the women he'd fallen for like he had never fallen before. But here he was twelve months on with the divorce signed and finalized and aching with every part of him to see Meredith Grey again.

The memory of their painful goodbye had haunted him, how he had lied to Addison saying he was going back to check on his last patient when really they had both known exactly where he was going.

_The moment Meredith had opened her door he had pulled her to him, wanting to imprint the feel of her to his memory to last him through the rest of his years. It had been her who had pulled away first, looking up at him as she stroked his face with trembling fingers._

"_You wouldn't be you if you didn't try to make your marriage work and I do understand but it's just so hard… In a way I'm glad though as it means I wasn't wrong about you!" Her voice held all the heartbreak he was feeling causing tears to sting the backs of his eyes._

"_Thank you …" _

_It was as both their tears had started to fall that Meredith reached up clasping his face with both her hands as she pressed the softest sweetest kiss he had ever received to his lips._

"_Goodbye Derek."_

"_Goodbye Meredith." _

_He'd whispered brushing back her hair to kiss her forehead but the look in her eyes had chilled him to the core, at that very moment in time she hated him because he had made her love him and Derek saw it as clear as day. _

"_Please just don't hate me…" he said into her hair as he hugged her for the last time._

Richard watched the emotions pass over the handsome face and wondered whether he should be the one to break the news of Meredith Grey's new relationship before he heard it through the hospital grapevine.

"I worried about her so much, not a day passed without me thinking about her! I must have dialed her number a thousand times but I always hanged up after the first ring." Derek shook his head with a self mocking smile and Richard's decision was made.

"Meredith's in a new relationship Derek, she has been for the last seven months." Derek paled his eyes darkening with pain,

"Do I know him, is she happy?"

"Seems to be, its one of Dr Millers interns Jacob Harrison. Has all the makings of a great surgeon not quite in Grey's or Yang's league but never the less…" Derek didn't seem to be listening as he headed towards the door.

"Il see you tomorrow."

Though it felt like a cold fist had just ripped his heart out Derek had half expected the news, he hadn't wanted Meredith to wait for him and she was just too beautifully alluring to be alone for long. It was and had been obvious to him that someone with more sense than he would come along and snatch her up.

Anyway how was she or anyone else to know that moving back to New York to save his marriage was the same as putting a band aid over a bullet wound. He and Addison had both tried but even after as little time as a month Derek had known they were fighting a losing battle. Everything they had once took for granted was gone leaving an empty farce with both of them preoccupied with how easy it had been with other people. Derek would dream of Meredith at night only to feel the pain of parting again when he woke to find Addison beside him, but not only that he had felt claustrophobic in their Manhattan brownstone without the lake and land of his trailer. He wasn't the same man that had left Manhattan the first time around and he was unable to find his way back. After six draining months they had called time on it but though he had been all ready to fly back to Seattle his contract was water tight for the whole year.

Stepping in to the elevator Derek grinned at the small women with the hostile frown who had been holding the doors,

"Miranda Bailey aren't you a sight for sore sleep deprived eyes…"

"Your back then…"

"So I've been right all along in thinking that you would miss me!" He gave her his winning smile earning a reluctant one in return.

"Your still as dumb as when you left then, cos if you weren't you would know by now I'm not gonna fall for that narcotic charm and those overrated blue eyes of yours!"

"Ah Miranda I've missed you too, so how are your inter…" At this she raised her hand to stop him going any further before rounding on him causing Derek to grimace as he knew all too well what was coming.

"Oh no you don't, you left enough damage behind you so you will stay away from my interns especially Meredith Grey!" Derek tried to protest but Bailey wasn't hearing him.

"The whole hospital watched as she ate her heart out over you the poor girl was miserable for months pining over your dumb ass, but now she's back on track though her taste in men hasn't improved…"

Derek jumped on this, hope sparking in his chest

"You don't like him?"

"I don't like you much either but this ones a fool… He's so in love with her Grey could kill his mother and he'd blame his damn mother!"

It was her floor before Derek had chance to ask if Meredith felt the same way and for his own sake Derek wished she didn't. But there was one more stop for him to make before he could return to his trailer.

Expecting Jake, Meredith called out for him to come on through to the kitchen instead of waiting for her to answer the door.

"Meredith…" That wasn't Jake's voice that was the voice from her dreams, it was the man who said her name as if he tasted it. It was the man who she had thought she would never see again and as painful as that was she had learnt to live with that pain inside her even to start a new life without him.

Unable to stop herself from turning around from the sink she hungrily took in every change, his hair was shorter, he was thinner and there were new lines on his face.

"Derek…" Just saying his name brought back a million memories she had tried to forget, had it been only a year it felt like eternity since she had seen his face.

_He had been the one to tell her he was leaving that day but the only reaction she had allowed herself to give him was a brief nod and four words _

" _Its for the best!"_

_When her whole being had screamed, wanting to beg him not to leave her but she hadn't instead she had walked away, keeping the façade up right till the night he came to say his goodbye. That night she had truly hated him, even though she had understood why he had to go with Addison she had hated him for making her fall in love only to leave her with nothing but pain and memories._

But now as she stood silently looking at him it was guilt she felt, because he was still her McDreamy and she still loved him when she owed so much more to Jake.

Jake had been patient, kind and he loved her as Derek never had, he was the better man for her. And though she loved him all she wanted was to love and want him as she did Derek.

"What are you, I mean how, Why aren't you in…" To hear her babble again was music to his ears making him smile for the first time.

"I've just signed a new contract at Seattle Grace, I wanted to tell you rather than you finding out another way!" Meredith tried to take it in but she couldn't think straight half of her wanted to jump into his arms the other to slap him for daring to do this to her.

"Addison… Are you still together?" She asked and the wanting to touch her became so hard to resist he had to bury his hands deep in his pockets.

"We're divorced she's in New York with Mark."

That one sentence seemed to hang between them and it was Derek with his eyes searching hers who broke the silence

"I missed you Meredith!" When no answer came he turned to leave and it was then she spoke

"I'm glad your back Derek!"

He nodded feeling his heart flip over as he turned his head to see her watching him with a soft light in her eyes.

"And when you look at me like that I'm more glad to be home than you can ever know!"

After watching him leave Meredith slid softly to the floor, she shut her eyes to try and forget the way he had smiled at her as if she was the only person in the world. But it was as if the image had etched onto the back of her eye lids as it was all she saw, half in frustration half in misery she let the tears fall.

**PLEASE READ ENJOY AND REVIEW… **

**ANYTHING YOU THINK I SHOULD CHANGE I WELCOME YOUR ADVICE!!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"It must really suck to be you right now?" Alex patted Jake's back as he sat down beside him on the locker room bench.

"Why?"

"Cos Shepherd's back walking the hall's of Seattle Grace!" Alex looked stunned as Jake still looked completely blank.

"Meredith didn't tell you McDreamy's back… Oh dude that's harsh!"

"What is?" Izzy asked looking between an amused Alex and now stony faced Jake,

"George said Shepherd was round your place yesterday to give Meredith the news personally that he was back but she hasn't told lover boy here!"

Izzy smacked Alex over the head as Jake stormed out of the locker room

"You are such an insensitive ass sometimes!"

"What?? How the hell was I to know Meredith wouldn't tell him???"

Jake found Meredith reading charts at the nurse's station and taking hold of her arm he pulled her into the nearest stairwell.

"Why didn't you tell me?" His grey eyes stormy, his olive skin paling in anger as Meredith stared up at him as if he was mad.

"Tell you what?" Meredith demanded angrily pulling her arm out of his grasp.

"That Dr Shepherd came to see you, that he was back in Seattle… We were together all night but you didn't say one word so I had to hear it off freaking Alex of all people!!!" Meredith stared up at him, a guilty flush starting to stain her cheeks as she chewed on her bottom lip.

There was one simple reason she hadn't told him about Derek, she was worried that her own mixed up feelings would be all too clear to him and the last thing she wanted was to hurt Jake. But it somehow seemed she had managed to do it anyway…

"Mer do you still love him is that it?" Jake asked quietly, fear of her answer turning him cold. He loved Meredith with all his heart but that didn't mean that he was blind to the fact that there was still a part of her that he hadn't yet touched. He had just always hoped that with time she would open up more, forget Shepherd and give herself completely to him but what chance of that was there now.

"Of course not, I just didn't know how to tell you so that you wouldn't get the wrong idea!" Meredith looked up at him as she lied knowing that with this lie she was saving him from the kind of pain she had once felt at Derek's hands. Jake was more striking than handsome with rugged features that seemed to draw your attention straight to his expressive grey eyes which were framed by lashes the same raven black color as his close cropped hair.

Now in the oh so easy to read eyes Meredith saw doubt like she had seen at the start of their relationship, it had faded with time but now only to return with the news of Derek's own arrival at Seattle Grace.

"I should have been the one to tell you and I'm sorry you had to hear it from Dr Evil Spawn…" Reaching up she kissed him and felt his instant response as he pushed her back up against the wall.

"Yang you're with Burke, Grey Dr Shepherd and the rest of you with me…" Bailey's orders caused the other four to stare.

"Seriously?" Meredith demanded unsure of the game being played out around her as Bailey gave her a look close to sympathy.

"So it would seem, unless you think I made it up just for the fun of having you screech at me… Now all of you move, don't make me repeat myself!"

"Seriously… Seriously!!!" Meredith demanded of Christina as they stepped into the empty elevator.

"Oh shut up. You love the fact he requested you on his first shift back! Or would you rather spend the day with the Nazi instead of having the pleasure of watching Dr McDreamy drool at the sight of you!"

"I'd rather spend it with Bailey!" Meredith said as she folded her arms across her chest.

"You suck at lying like I suck at being in touch with all the emotion crap; you're just worried what McSoppy will have to say when he finds out the love of your life requested you out of everyone!"

"Christina!"

"Meredith!"

"Oh I hate you!" Meredith said for Christina to simply smile.

"Why because I stop you lying to yourself?"

They hadn't noticed the elevator doors opening until Derek entered, his face lighting up at the sight of Meredith.

"Dr Grey, Dr Yang."

"Oh this is so my floor…" Christina smirked at them both before hurrying through the doors leaving a heavy silence behind her.

"You requested me as your intern…" As soon as she spoke Derek turned to face her

"I did." He nodded smiling.

"Why when you know it's bound to get everybody talking about us and what happened… Again?"

"Meredith cut me a little slack; I haven't been able to request you in a whole year…" Derek was teasing her and though she knew it would only add to the mess that was them she couldn't stop herself from returning his smile.

"Dr Grey are you smiling at me?"

"No…" Meredith tried to frown at him but it was so hard to do when his smile seemed to beg you to smile along with him as his eyes sparkled with mirth.

"Or if not at me maybe you're smiling at the memory of our first elevator ride together… Its not just ferry boats I have a thing for anymore, elevators have never been the same since I met you!" His eyes were sparkling with something else as he stepped closer to her, desire turning them dark as his grin turned to a more intimate smile.

"Dr Shepherd!" Meredith knew that look all to well it was their look, the look that told her exactly what images of her were flashing through his mind.

She tried to retreat but ended up only hitting the back wall of the elevator as he continued to step closer, it wasn't just his proximity to her she was trying to escape from it was the memories that having him so near brought back. Times when it had just been the two of them with no ghost of the heartbreak this one man could bring or this feeling of guilt as she remembered just how much Jake loved her.

"Meredith," he breathed and she knew he was only a fration of a second away from kissing her and though it was what she secretly craved, to let him know that was the same as calling time on what she shared with Jake. So as deftly as a cat Meredith side stepped him as the doors slid open and hurried out into the busy hall.

Derek followed at a slower pace, smiling to himself at the thought of how her breath had quickened at his nearness and how he knew exactly what that look in her eyes had meant. She wanted him as much as he still wanted her but there was something holding her back and Derek intended to fight it untill Meredith Grey was back where she belonged.

Yet her reaction had also reawaked the hope that had been almost killed by his talk with one of his old scrub nurses who seemed to have a soft spot for him which meant she was all to happy to fill him in on all the gossip he had missed. She had told him that is was well known that Dr Harrison was crazy about his fellow intern and though Meredith was less open about it she seemed to feel the same. But he had grimaced when the nurse carried on as she seemed to forget who she was talking too just for a moment.

"_But you can't blame Dr Grey for not wearing her heart on her sleeve this time especially after what…"_

She had stopped them blushing as she remembered exactly who she was talking too , because he was the reason Meredith Grey kept her emotions out of the public eye.

That thought had soured his mood right up till he had watched those elevator doors glide open to see Meredith smiling at Christina and only then had the sun finally come back out on his day.

**PLEASE READ ENJOY AND REVIEW… **

**CRITICS WELCOME TOO AND ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO SEE!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Are you avoiding me?" Derek caught up with Meredith as she left the locker room at the end of her shift. She had been assigned to him all day but somehow had managed it so at all times they were never alone and he was unable to talk about anything but their patients.

"I'm trying too…"

"Don't…" He said as he bent his head slightly to catch the scent of her hair, he was so close that when she stopped abruptly he nearly fell over her.

"What are you doing?" she demanded turning to face him her hands moving to her hips as she glared at him.

"You hair it still smells so good… It's like some kind of flower or something?" Meredith stared up at him speechlessly, that wasn't what she had expected. She had been primed for an argument but instead she was stood staring into his eyes as butterflies fluttered in the pit of her stomach.

"_It's not the thrill of the chase, it's not a game. It's your tiny ineffectual fists and your hair…"_

"_My hair???"_

"_It smells good and your very, very bossy it keeps me in line."_

"_I'm still not going out with you,"_

"_You say that now…"_

With a shake of her head Meredith tried to put the memory of the day he'd truly made her his back in the box where it belonged but Derek watching her saw exactly what she had been seeing.

_They were stood facing each other just as they were now but in the intern's locker room after a busy shift and he had come looking for her to tell her it wasn't what she thought that he wasn't just in it for the chase. She had been wearing a red sweater that clung to her gentle curves her hair still damp from the shower smelling so intoxicating and as he stood staring down into her smiling eyes Derek had known his life would never be the same again. Even when she said she still wouldn't go out with him he had known all they needed was time._

"Meredith?" He whispered bringing them both back to the present but she held up her hand in a gesture so like Bailey's it made him smile.

"Stop! Stop making me remember, please Derek…"

Derek could only groan as he watched her run off down the hall, his hands running through his hair.in agitation and frustration.

"Tequila and keep them coming Joe." Meredith took her usual stool at the bar as Joe looked her over thoughtfully.

"I haven't seen that look in a while and I've only known of one man who could put that look on your face…" Meredith nodded before knocking her shot back and reaching for the next one.

"He's back that's why and being all… … _dreamy_!"

"And that's a problem right?" Joe filled another shot glass so there were three ready in a line for her as Meredith laughed humorlessly

"Yep that's a big problem!"

"What's a big problem?" Jake asked kissing her cheek as he slid onto the stool besides her looking curiously at both her and Joe.

"Tequila's the problem I'm running low." Meredith's expression was one of pure gratitude as he jumped in to save her then moved on to the next customer leaving the tequila bottle right next to her.

Stood at the other end of the bar Derek's attention was brought away from the couple as a double scotch was placed in front of him.

"On the house to welcome you home!" Derek smiled as Joe followed his gaze back to the now laughing couple.

"Tequila?"

"Need you ask, it's your fault apparently for being all _dreamy?_ She's on her fifth already…" Derek nodded to show he was listening but he couldn't tear his eyes away from Meredith.

Derek waited for his moment and as soon as he saw Jake heading across to the men's room he made his move and sat down next to Meredith.

"Do you remember the night we met, right here at the bar you were drunk then too." Derek drew her attention to his presence but she didn't shout or protest, Meredith simply sat watching him wearily.

"I'm no where near drunk enough yet for this conversation to take place or to take any more trips with you down memory lane!" Derek continued doggedly as he ignored her comment.

"You didn't know me, the good the bad or in fact my name and I didn't know you…"

"I didn't know about the wife back in New York either or are you lumping that under the title of the bad!"

"Meredith for god's sake let me talk! The only thing I did know was the girl sat at the bar in a strappy black dress downing shots of tequila was someone I had to, needed to meet!" Derek waited for her reaction but when it came it startled him, it was a single tear.

"Meredith I want to know you, I want you to know me. I want us to begin again…" Her hand moved to swipe the tear away , her voice a notch above a whisper

"Don't you ever think it might have been better for us both if we had simply been just a one night stand?" Wobbly she got to her feet and Derek instinctively steadied her with a hand at her elbow, Meredith stared down at the point of contact refusing to look up when he spoke.

"Never, not even when you have driven me to the point of insanity have I ever thought that!!!" He answered vehemently "Meredith I don't expect to pick up where we left off before Addison arrived but I could be your friend, we could be friends?" Derek added a silent for now at the end in his own head but didn't dare say it out loud as she would most likely tip what was left in the tequila bottle over his head.

"Me and you…" She was looking down right suspicious now causing him to chuckle.

"Yes me and you… I'm an excellent friend to have you'd be lucky to have me!"

"I would, would I?" Meredith couldn't help but smile, this was the Derek she loved most. The Derek who made her smile with his cocky arrogance.

"Mmm Hmm… So how about it Dr Grey will you be my friend?" He sounded ridiculous and looking at each other they both began to laugh.

"We can only try Dr Shepherd."

Surprising both herself and him Meredith reached up to press a fleeting kiss to his stubbled jaw, drawing away only to be caught by his eyes and held there. Both knowing it would only take one small move for their lips to meet.

Jake stopped as he left the men's room feeling his heart get stuck in his throat as he watched them laugh together looking to anyone like a truly in love couple should look, it made it worse as Meredith leaned up to kiss his cheek.

Fine they had history he'd known that when he first took her out, hell the whole entire hospital knew that history but he had never expected it to come back to haunt them like this. It was well known already on his first shift back at Seattle Grace that Dr Shepherd had requested Meredith and everywhere he looked people were giving him sympathetic looks. Because they all knew that he no matter how much he loved Meredith Grey it couldn't compete with Derek Shepherd and the love Meredith had or still held for him. You only had to look at them now too see it as clear as day in both their eyes but he would not give her up without a fight he thought to himself as he began to walk over to them,

"Meredith…" His cold angry voice breaking their magical spell as they both turned like two children caught with their fingers in the cookie jar by a disapproving adult.

"Jake, Derek I mean Dr Shepherd has asked me if I would like to be his friend." Meredith gave a drunken chuckle causing Jake to frown harder and Derek to laugh.

"I better get you home." Jake put his arm around her whilst Meredith smiled at Derek

"I think I'm drunk enough now…" she said and with an amused smile he nodded

"You are…" Totally ignoring Jake and his possessive air Derek bent his head and returned the kiss she had given him

"Goodnight Meredith!"

**PLEASE READ ENJOY AND REVIEW… **

**LOVE TO KNOW WHERE YOU WOULD LIKE THIS TO HEAD…**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Are you okay, cos you look sad?" George joined Meredith at the nurse's station where she was filling out a patients chart.

"Jake is mad… I have a tequila hangover and Derek wants to be friends!" George looked confused as he tried to process what she had said.

"First why is Jake mad at you?"

"Because Derek and I are friends…"

"So why are you sad that Dr Shepherd wants to be friends?" George just felt even more confused as Meredith sighed looking even sadder.

"Because Georgie he is still McDreamy!!!"

Kate Shepherd about to interrupt them stopped herself as the man they were now discussing was the exact same man she had flown across the country to see and she was more than interested to hear what they had to say.

"So you still love him? You do know Christina and Alex have a wager on how many McDreamy elevator moments you can with stand before you cave?" George patted her shoulder as Meredith leaned against him.

"Oh I don't know Georgie, he's Dr McDreamy and I'm me…"

Kate smiled mischievously at the use of the name he was christened with when he first started working at Seattle Grace that was even known back east and instantly knew who the sad young doctor was. She was also able to see why Derek had fallen so hard so fast for the girl known back in New York as the slutty intern, but Kate didn't agree. Anyone who could make Derek happy or love him how he deserved she would make a point to like on principle, with an idea already forming Kate finally made her move to approach the two doctors.

"Hi, I'm looking for Derek Shepherd?" The man with the big boyish brown eyes frowned worriedly.

"You're not another wife are you?"

"George." Meredith scolded as if she was talking to a child "You've been spending too much time with Christina!"

"Well the last women who arrived in Seattle with the surname Shepherd was, your not are you?" Kate was laughing so hard that she was unable to speak but there was no need too as a deep male voice answered for her.

"Dr O'Malley am I right in assuming that you think I have some sort of harem back in New York?" George started to blush as he mumbled apologies before he hurried off leaving Meredith looking confused between two pairs of sparkling blue eyes before everything clicked into place.

"Your one of Derek's sisters!" She exclaimed and Derek nodded dropping an arm around Kate's shoulders

"Meredith this is my sister Kate, Kate this is Meredith Grey!" As Meredith shook the tall women's hand she looked up into the same smiling eyes as Derek's and she knew she would like Kate Shepherd. How could she not like someone who was so much like the man she loved and even shared the same laugh as him?

"Well I better go before Dr Bailey realizes I'm missing, it was nice to meet you!"

"You too Meredith, I hope to see more of you while I'm here!"

Derek sat opposite his sister in the hospital cafeteria and grimaced apologetically as they began to eat.

"Sorry this all I can manage I have a surgery in a hour but my shift finishes in time for me to take you out for dinner and I promise it will be somewhere the food doesn't smell like hospitals." Derek pledged as Kate simply smiled at him.

"Oh but before we leave can I experience a McDreamy elevator moment or is that a strict no no for your baby sister?" Her teasing made him choke and Derek blushed as he scowled at his sister.

"I almost forgot to ask what are you doing here Kate?" She didnt seem fazed by the question simply shaking her head at her only brother

"No we'll leave that for later but don't worry no-one sent me. Now back to these elevator moments they seem to be famous around here, did you know two of Meredith's friends have bets on how many she can withstand, you must be very impressive?" Even though he was still scowling Kate didn't miss the brightening of his eyes at the mention of Meredith's name.

"What did you think of her?" He was eager and Kate loved that he seemed so full of life again

"From what I saw in those few minutes i was with her I liked! Her big green eyes and porcelain skin make her seem fragile but she can't be if she keeps you in line?"

"Mmm its misleading, she's bossy very in fact and wonderful and smart and just so… She's Meredith!" Derek's voice was worshipful the voice of a man head over heels in love and Kate couldn't remember him ever talking this way about Addison not even in their happier times.

"I've never seen you like this over a girl and you've had more than your fair share?"

"Because I've never felt like this before…"

"So why are you still only friends when everyone around here seems to know just how in love you are?" Kate was confused, you only had to see them together for a couple of seconds and it was written all over their faces how they felt so what was keeping them apart.

"Meredith has a boyfriend and I hurt her, I broke her heart when I left so I need to get it right this time. I know she still cares but I'm scared if I push too hard then that will be it for us!" Derek spoke softly his voice full of emotion and Kate reached over to cover his hand.

"So how long is this going to last, you being irrationally mad at me I mean?" Meredith asked Jake as she took the seat beside him in the gallery watching a surgery preformed by Derek of all people.

"Meredith you kissed him and he kissed you!" he whispered harshly and Meredith frowned

"On the cheek Jake, on the cheek! It's just silly to be angry at me for a kiss on the cheek!!!"

"So I'm silly now, thanks Mer!' As his temper raised so did his voice drawing the other doctor's attention to them including Izzy and Christina.

"No i didnt mean it like that but Jake what do you expect us to do, walk around ignoring each other, he is my boss remember?"

"But that's just it Meredith he is not just your boss is he, he's the man you loved who broke your heart and who you never really got over!!!"

"Jake that's all in the past and us being friends isn't about that past!" Meredith didn't sound convincing even to her own ears and it didn't help that at that moment Derek looked up at the gallery, his eyes automatically locking with hers asif he was trying to read her thoughts and she knew he was smiling behind his mask before he turned his attention back to the table but she what she hadn't realised was that she had been smiling too.

"Oh so that was a shared meaningful glance of friendship was it??" Jake growled as he stood up leaving his seat to shove his way out of the gallery leaving Meredith to turn unsure eyes to Christina who shrugged.

"You melted you fool, right in front of everyone too and McDreamy down there did the exact same! You can't blame McSoppy for being so pissed?"

**I KNOW THIS CHAPTER WASN'T GREAT BUT IT'S MORE OF A FILLER TO INTRODUCE KATE SHEPHERD BUT AS ALWAYS READ ENJOY AND REVIEW!!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Derek walked across the hospital car park with Kate close at his heels and though he was doing his best to ignore her she wasn't giving up.

"I've been here a week Derek and you have done absolutely nothing about Meredith…" She chastised and Derek turned to look back at her with a sigh.

"Don't you have work back in New York waiting for you??"

"I'm a writer as long as I have my laptop and my cell phone I can work from anywhere and I chose Seattle for the next couple of weeks or until you sort yourself out!!!" Her smile was full of sisterly affection as she looped her arm through his and no matter how sour his mood he couldn't help but respond to it.

"Meredith has a boyfriend who works in this hospital or have you forgotten that? It's awkward, Jake always seems to be at her side and by doing something that makes her the talk of the hospital again will not put me in the best light!!!"

"He wasn't around the times I've met her for lunch…"

"If he knew how hard you were working at trying to get us back together I'm sure he'd make a point to be!"

"Derek, Meredith talks about you the exact same way you do her and I can't think of many women who would forgive a man for everything you put her through even if they are known as Dr McDreamy! She told me all about the night you met and how arrogant you were… "

"Katherine …" Kate ignored the use of her full name and his tone that told her she was pushing it to simply beam up at him.

"You're my only brother it's my job to point this out to you! You've already wasted so much time when you both could have been happy why are you doing it again? Meredith loves you Derek!" Kate watched his expression soften a new light in his eyes as he looked down at her as they entered the hospital.

"You really like her don't you?"

"Mmm I really do! I was planning on liking her anyway but it would be hard not to like someone who loves your only brother as much as she does and her friends are hilarious!"

"What have they been telling you?" He demanded and her laughter followed him into the elevator.

"Padded headboards, caught at it in a car by the Nazi, are just two things that come to mind??" Derek frowned as the doors closed on her laughter, there were just some things you never wanted your baby sister to hear no matter how old she got.

Meredith stood waiting for the elevator thankful just to be alone, Jake seemed more like a constant shadow these days and she couldn't understand how they had ended up this way in just a week. Gone was the warm funny loving man who had been her friend as well as her boyfriend for seven months leaving her with a cold possessive stranger who angered not only at the sight of Derek but at the sound of his name too.

Talk of the devil she thought with a smile as the elevator doors slid open to reveal him leaned back against the far wall, his arms folded across his chest looking every bit the confident arrogant successful surgeon he knew himself to be.

"I was just thinking about you…" He smiled that smile; their smile as she stepped in and he moved to stand beside her as the doors slid shut.

"Should I ask what those thoughts were?" Meredith asked and he nodded his smile growing wider as he leaned closer to her.

"I've missed you that's all…" Meredith nodded her face impassive though her heart was doing somersaults

"As a friend of course…"

"Oh yes but if you happen to want it to be it could be more…" As she was looking at him he didn't miss the glow in her eyes as she laughed.

"Stop flirting with me…"

"Why is it working?" he moved round to face her tipping her chin up with his finger so she had no choice but to look up at him.

"Derek."

"Meredith…" He whispered leaning forward but not touching knowing it had to be her choice. Meredith knew the decision was hers to make. Either she stepped back or kissed him but the fact that he was giving her this choice made it even harder to resist him and with a sigh that screamed defeat she closed the distance between them. To kiss him with a hunger whose consequences for once she didn't even consider and Derek kissed her back with all the pent up desire and love he had had to hold in since first seeing her again. Her hands traveled down his body because Meredith craved his warmth, the beat of his heart beneath her palm and just to know that he was still hers as she was still his. A tremor moved through her, a wave built of pure desire so familiar that it made her ache to pull away so she could look up at him, her eyes wide her body humming.

"Derek…" She breathed but he pressed a trembling finger to her lips to stop her speaking.

"Don't say that was wrong or we shouldn't have done it…" His cheeks were flushed his eyes now indigo heavy lidded with desire. "Meredith that is the first honest thing either of us has done in over a year!!!" The doors slid open before she could answer and with a brief nod she left him there with the taste of her still clinging to his lips.

Meredith couldn't stop thinking about that kiss and how good it had felt just to be in his arms again, it would come back at inappropriate moments causing her cheeks to flush and her to suddenly stop speaking in the middle of a sentence. Her friends knew something was up and their eyes followed her with curious stares but it was Christina who cornered her finally in the locker room as she changed into fresh scrubs.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing I'm fine, me I am just fine…" Meredith tried to get out a coherent sentence as her mind stayed firmly back in the elevator with Derek.

"Oh what did you do???" Christina looked at her all too closely for Meredith's liking and Christina sighed "Either spit it out or I will force it out?"

"We kissed in the elevator ok I kissed him… Jake's being all weird and he was being… So McDreamy so I kissed him and it was great, it was before she Shepherd great! There that's what I did!" Meredith sighed once she had got it all out waiting for Christina to take it in.

"So you kissed in an elevator… You and McDreamy! So what about McSoppy will you tell him?"

"No... Oh I don't know Christina its probably just a lapse or something!!!"

"Huh yeah and I am really a nice kind person…" Christina gave her the your so stupid look and Meredith groaned

"I should not be allowed in an elevator with that man…"

**SO THEY KISSED, THEY WERENT MEANT TO BUT NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I REWROTE IT THEY STILL KISSED… **

**AS ALWAYS PLS READ ENJOY AND REVIEW!!!!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"Jake I can't keep doing this, having these same arguments repeatedly!" Meredith sank down onto the sofa as he stood looming over her, swaying from all the drink he'd consumed at Joe's.

Closing her eyes she saw Derek's face just a few hours earlier grinning at her from across the bar where he was sat with his sister, the glow in his eyes had told her exactly what was going through his mind. Their kiss, the feel of her lips on his after so long, the feel of her hair wrapped around his hand so he was able to hold her to him.

"Well if you just admitted it then we might be able to move on?" Jake's voice broke into her thoughts just as they had done earlier when he had caught them looking so intently at each other. She hadn't needed to tell him about the kiss after that, he was a doctor he was good at reading people and he knew something had happened between the two of them.

"Admit what? What do you want from me Jake?"

"I want the truth for once. You still love him don't you? You are still in love with Derek Shepherd?" Jake was shouting now, all color drained from his face in anger.

"It's not that simple…" Meredith hadn't meant to admit that, she knew she should have just said no but she felt so confused. Right up till that kiss she had thought she could still do this, be with Jake, be happy with him and still manage to keep a distance between herself and Derek.

"Tell me then, explain to me why it isn't that simple?"

"Because I loved him so much…" Meredith shouted as she got to her feet the tears streaming from her eyes "I wanted him to choose me but he didn't, he left but that didn't mean I just stopped! Loving him is not a choice I make I cant help it I never could!!!"

"So what was I? Something to keep your bed warm while you pined for your McDreamy is that it?" Jake grabbed hold of her hands to stop her moving away.

"No Jake of course not… … I love you I do! But… …"

"But I'm not Derek Shepherd is that it?" He demanded and staring up at him Meredith knew he had said the words she had been unable to say herself. She renched away from him, hating to see the pain in his eyes and ran into the kitchen just wishing Izzy or George would come home and save her from having to face this.

"Say it damn you… You cant love me enough because I'm not him, the man who screwed you to get over being screwed by his wife and best friend..." Jake wasn't shouting now which surprised her, his voice was cold void of all emotion.

"Its not like that and it wasn't like that with Derek either!" Meredith realized she had said the wrong thing when his eyes that had for seven months only looked at her with love now blazed with something close to absolute hatred.

"Yes it was, you just cant face it and now his marriage is over he's came back to the whore who satisfied him so well before!"

"Jake don't be like this, I never meant for this, any of this to happen…"

"Meredith you've used me… Made a complete fool of me in front of the whole hospital! Everyone is talking about the fact that you two cant seem to stay away from each other, how do you think that makes me look???"

"We haven't… He hasn't… Jake it doesn't matter what anyone else say's because they only see what they want to see! They want there to be something going on between us because they want something to talk about!!!"

"So what your saying is that this is all in their imagination, in mine to?"

"No… I don't know!" Meredith flinched as his hands gripped her arms.

"I was just imagining the fact that tonight all the time we were at Joe's neither of you could keep your eyes off each other and you weren't sat smiling at him the whole time! Or the other day when he was in the OR, for god's sake Meredith you two have to only be in sight of each other for everyone to know there is definitely something going on! So am I imagining it???"

He started to shake her as he spoke, his fingers digging in to her shoulders as her head rocked backwards and forwards, backwards forwards until she could hardly see. He flung her away from him her back hitting the worktop and she slid to the floor. Meredith watched him through half closed eyes as he hunted for the alcohol he knew they kept there, her breathing sounded loud and she tried to quieten it, she didn't want him to notice her.

But Jake was coming back towards her that same cold hatred in his eyes and Meredith felt as if she was stuck in a nightmare with a man she didn't know anymore. Slowly she started to crawl towards the door but the slight movement seemed to enrage him, Jake kicked her viciously in the ribs causing her to sprawl full length and she turned her head seconds later to be noisily sick on the floor.

"You whore, how could you do this to me?" He screamed standing over her.

"Leave me alone… Please Jake just go." She begged but it was as if she hadn't spoken, he covered his face with his hands as he sank to the floor beside her and all Meredith knew was she had to get away from him somehow.

"I thought you were it I really thought you were the one… I loved you so much and look what you've made me do!!!" His hand pulled her hair yanking her back so she had no choice but to face him.

"Jake I would of stayed with you…"

"Yes but not because you loved me but out of pity… I don't want your pity!" He screamed his fist crashing into her face and though she made no sound as he pushed her away from him Meredith for the first time in her life felt truly terrified.

She lay very still and after a long tome he seemed to loll back against the wall in a drunken stupor.After waiting for what seemed like hours Meredith crawled away an inch at a time, every nerve stretched until she was in the hall and using the banister attempted to pull herself up but her legs gave way so she crouched there trying to muffle her crying.

At last she got to her feet, still shaking the tears falling from only the one eye the other already half closed with swelling from the force of his punch. She knew she couldn't stay here or be here when he woke she just needed to feel safe.

It took every bit of stubbornness and willpower she possessed to reach her car only to be sick again as she rested against it to catch her breath. Her hands shaking so much it took countless attempts and two hands to get the keys in the ignition. Meredith drove blindly letting her instincts take over, uncaring of where she went as long as it was away from him, just wanting, needing to feel safe in her own skin again.

She only realized where her instincts had taken her when she recognized the open land she was driving onto and the familiar trailer lit up by her headlights. Drained she stumbled from the car, her arm around her midriff supporting her aching ribs as she half crawled to the door. With her last ounce of energy she banged on it then leaned against the trailer side, as soon as the door opened Meredith fell into the arms that were there to catch her.

"I know its late I'm sorry… I didn't know I was coming here I just drove, I wanted to feel safe and I ended up here…" she managed to get out before she broke down and the sobs broke free.

**THIS WASN'T QUITE MEANT TO HAPPEN YET BUT IT DID AND IN THE NEXT CHAP YOU'LL LEARN MORE ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP!!! BUT AS ALWAYS READ ENJOY AND REVIEW!!!!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Meredith was scarcely aware of Derek maneuvering her into the trailer, of him settling her on the bed and coming down beside her. She only knew of his silent sympathy, his support as he held her gently stroking her hair patiently waiting for the storm of weeping to burn itself out. When at last the racking sobs had subsided to intermittent gasps, hiccups and inelegant sniffs Derek reached for the box of tissue's, pushing some into her limp hand and using another to wipe the tear stains from her cheeks. Meredith knew the exact moment he saw the damage to her face, his hands stilled, his skin whitened and rage turned his blue eyes black.

"Not now please, I know I owe you some kind of explanation but please…" It was hard to speak her throat hoarse from crying. Derek nodded even though all he wanted was to find the bastard who had done this and with his own bare hands choke the life out of him. The doctor in him however took over as he gently felt around the eye checking for anything more than the obvious superficial damage.

"Meredith I need to know are you hurt anywhere else, do I need to take you in???" His voice was calm but Meredith wasn't deaf to the underlying fear.

"My ribs are bruised and I'm a little sore but I'm fine, all I want is…" Derek didn't need her to finish she was shaking like a leaf. She didn't need anymore anger she needed him to be strong so she could lean on him, she needed to be held and to know she was safe. So that's just what he did, pulled her closer to him wrapping both arms around her to cradle her to him until her body relaxed and her breathing normalized,

"Your okay now I'm here." He whispered huskily pressing soft kisses to her hair.

"This is my fault Derek; my feelings for you drove him to this!" Derek froze as the thought he had pushed away earlier returned.

"Jake did this to you… Il kill him!" He roared getting to his feet in a rush, his anger to great to allow him to stay still.

"Derek…" She began but he simply ignored her.

"I will kill him!" He declared his tone suddenly very different. The anger was still there, but now it was expressed with a cold deadly purpose that was somehow much more frightening than the rage of seconds earlier.

"Please I don't need you to fight my battles that wasn't why I came here; I came here because I need you to be strong so I don't have to be… Just hold me Derek!" She watched his internal battle, his anger versus her plea, Meredith knew she had won when he sank back down beside her and gathered her back into his arms the one place she wanted to be.

"Meredith I can't let him get away with doing this to you…"

"Jake was drunk, angry that's all! He's not the type to hit a woman."

"There is no excuse, none for what he has done to you!" Derek emphasized each word.

"He was in love with me but I…"

"Meredith if he had truly loved you then there is no way he would have been able to put you in this state!!!"

Meredith knew he was right but she couldn't rid herself of the lingering feeling of guilt. When they had first started going out she had still been picking up the pieces of her broken heart but she had lead Jake to believe she loved him and was over Derek Shepherd.

Before that he had just been another intern, just another person to beat in the competition, he hadn't been a part of her family and if she was honest her sight had never really traveled further than Derek. Then Derek had left and after those first unbearable weeks of lonely sleepless nights and long painful days Jake had put himself forward. Making her smile when she had thought she would never smile again and Jake had made her believe that there was a chance of happiness, maybe not the same she could have had with Derek but happiness never the less.

Now she felt as if she had done the same damage Derek had once done to her, though she would never forgive him she could understand that rage. Hadn't she threatened to run Derek down the black night she had found out that he was married and in that moment she had been capable of doing it. Looking back she could see Jake had always been a possessive but to her it had been almost comforting, a show of love after the feeling of abandonment Derek had left behind.

"Meredith tonight what happened after you left Joe's? It might help to talk…"

And so she did, she told him everything stumbling over parts but Derek's strength seemed to seep into her. When she finished he pressed a kiss to her forehead, his warmth soothing as her eyelids started to droop. Derek pulled the covers over the both of them as he settled her more comfortably but never loosening his hold on her. Yet he couldn't sleep, his blood was boiling, anger running through his veins. It made him sick to the stomach to even think of what she had been through and he hated himself for not being there to protect her. That was all he wanted, to be by her side for the rest of their lives. To love her, protect her and to make sure she never came to harm again cos without her he had nothing. Tonight her instinct had brought her to him and as she lay curled in his arms he made a whispered promise.

"Il never let you down again!"

Meredith woke to find herself still wrapped in his arms, her body aching and stiff but knowing there was no where else she would rather be.

"How are you feeling?" He asked propping himself up so he could look down at her, anger resurfacing as he saw her swollen eye now fully colored purple and black.

"How do I look?"

"As if you have been in a cage fight but still incredibly beautiful! I do need to check your ribs though as I should of done last night!"

"Derek I am fine…"

"Pull up your top or I will do it myself using all methods necessary…" His smirk told her clearly how much he would love to do it himself but she knew she didn't have the strength to open that particular can of worms. So she lifted it up so he could examine her.

"You were right again you are just bruised but work is out for the next couple of days…" Though he was still smiling his anger was written in the taut lines of his face and the fire in his eyes. "I'll ring Kate; she'll come over while I pop in and see the Chief."

"Derek you don't have to do…" Meredith didn't get any further as he pressed his finger to her lips.

"Meredith Grey for once in your life you will do as your told! Now I'll tell Richard…" As she shook her head he sighed "Fine, I wont tell him the whole story… yet! Shall I tell Christina and the others?"

"No. no one not yet… Please Derek!" she pleaded and reluctantly he nodded

"I wont." He went to move away but she stopped him by taking his hand and squeezing it

"Thank you." He smiled the smile she loved before leaning down to kiss her gently, rationing himself to that chaste touch.

"You never have to thank me."

**READ, ENJOY AND PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Derek had had no intention of seeking Jake out but when he saw him lounging against the wall laughing with a group of interns he saw red. He watched with satisfaction as Jake paled at the very sight of him, his friends instinctively stepping back at the fury radiating from their usually jovial attending.

Derek wasn't thinking about the consequences of what he was going to do, all he could see was Meredith's swollen face, the bruises on her rib cage and the memory of her tortured voice and it made him ready to kill for her. His fist connected with Jakes face before anyone really knew what was happening, and then pulling him ruthlessly back to his feet Derek slammed him hard against the wall his hands around the interns throat.

"If you ever go within speaking distance of her again I will kill you… I swear that I will choke every bit of life out of you!"

"So she did come running to you last night…" Jake wheezed with an attempt at a mocking smile that disappeared as Derek slammed him back against the wall for a second time.

"You will not even look at her, do you understand???" He ground out between his teeth.

"None of this would have happened if you had just left us alone…" Derek didn't want to hear his excuses and drawing back his fist he brutally slammed it into the interns face before an arm gripped his.

"Dr Shepherd…" Burke tried to pull him away but it wasn't till Alex stepped in to help that Derek released his hold on Jake, who slid to the floor his nose bleeding freely.

"Stay away from Meredith Grey or next time there won't be anyone here to stop me…" He spat out before pushing his way through the crowd of hospital staff that had gathered around to watch and headed for the Chiefs office.

"What was that…? Why did Dr Shepherd do that???" George looked between Izzy, Alex and Christina for answers who all shrugged.

"And where is Meredith???" Izzy frowned worriedly looking over to the locker room door which Jake had disappeared through followed by Burke.

"Mmm she just missed two men fight over her… And McDreamy all full of rage with his hands around McSoppy's throat was seriously hot!!!" Christina sighed with a smile then laughed as the others all turned to stare at her

"Oh come on… It was hot! I never realized McDreamy had it in him."

"Grey's probably screwing them both!" Alex quipped only for his head to be smacked by Izzy

"Christina maybe you should ask McDreamy?" Izzy turned hopeful brown eyes and Christina groaned

"Why me???"

"Because if he goes all scary you can kick his ass and I'm really worried about Meredith…"

"Okay, okay I'll be the one to go piss off McRage some more!"

The Chief put down his phone as soon as Derek strode into his office and it was easy to see the hospital grape vine had already filled him in on what had just happened.

"Please tell me that what I just heard is simple hospital gossip and you did not just break an Interns nose in front of the whole of my surgical staff?" Richard leaned both arms on his desk as Derek sat down opposite him.

"If you had seen what I have then you would have done the exact same thing…"

"Derek what has this to do with Meredith Grey???" Derek avoided his old friend's eyes knowing he had already done enough for Meredith to break his own nose when she found out.

"She won't be in for the next couple of days and I need today off…"As the older man went to interrupt Derek spoke again "Richard just this once please don't ask anymore question, you will get your answers but I'm not the person to give them."

"Derek this is not good enough…You just put your job at risk doing what you did!" Derek nodded as he got to his feet, this time looking the older man straight in the eye.

"And for the same reason I would gladly do it again…" Derek was at the door when the Chiefs next comment made him stop and smile.

"This isn't over Derek… But for now just make sure you put some ice on that damn two million a year hand!!!"

Christina cornered Derek as he stepped into the elevator, sliding in before the doors closed and pulling on the emergency stop button to halt the elevator.

"Dr Yang!"

"Oh don't Dr Yang me! Spill… Where is Meredith and why did you punch McSoppy?" Her hands on her hips her brown eyes boring into his.

"McSoppy…" Derek laughed for the first time that day.

"Shut up. Why did you do it?"

"I had my reasons…" He stared impassively at the doors avoiding her eyes.

"Either you tell me where Meredith is or I make you regret the day you stepped off that plane from New York?" If anyone else would have said that to him he would have laughed but he knew Christina well enough to know she wasn't joking.

"At my trailer with Kate."

"Right so what happened in the twenty four hours between you two kissing and you punching Jake, nice job by the way!"

"Meredith told you…"

"She did… Now either you tell me or I add to the damage you did to McSoppy untill he tells me…" She was staring up at him and Derek knew he had no choice if he wanted to get out of this elevator anytime soon and after all she was Meredith's best friend he reasoned.

"He hit her…"

**IM NOT COMPLETELY HAPPY WITH THIS CHAPTER BUT AS ALWAYS READ, ENJOY AND PLEASE REVIEW!!!!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"You no good piece of crap… I am so going to kill you!" Christina stormed into the intern locker room that was empty apart from Jake, Burke, Bailey and her three remaining interns.

"Christina…" Burke moved quickly to grab her before she reached Jake and did the damage she was more than able to do, her legs were kicking out her arms clawing at him as she tried to escape his hold.

"Preston Burke either you put me down or I will make sure it will be you that doesn't live to perform another surgery!!!"

"Christina control yourself!"

"Me… your telling me to control myself? That's what you need to tell that pathetic jerk over there!!! So you all want to know what pushed McDreamy over the edge… How about Meredith turning up at his place last night after being knocked half senseless by that ass!!!"

Everyone turned to her in shock as Jake continued to stare unremorsefully at them all as he held an ice pack to his eye. It was Alex who reacted first, launching himself at Jake to knock him again to the floor landing on top of him and his fist connecting with his already bruised eye before anyone could react.

"O'Malley get Karev off him before he does some damage to _**his**_ hands…" Bailey shouted at George after shouting fruitlessly at Alex who was now fighting with Jake on the floor in front of them.

"No Dr Bailey I wont… I cant and I am not sorry!" George spoke bravely folding his arms across his chest but avoided Bailey's hard eyes.

"Karev! Harrison! Get up off that floor right this minute!" The Chief ordered from the doorway

"I will not have fighting in this hospital between members of my staff!!!" George moved over to where Alex was sat on top of Jake and gave him his hand to get him to his feet.

"He hit Meredith, our Meredith! You know tiny Meredith that wouldn't hurt anyone if she could help it!!!" George shouted. Izzy moved to stand alongside them as Bailey looked on with an almost proud expression as her interns who always seemed to be up to something stood by one another in the defense of one of their own.

"Yang she can kick ass and Izzy too but Grey she got guts serious guts but to hit her for all her dark and twisty ways its like me beating the crap out of baby boy here. Its wrong to hit any women but dude to beat up on Meredith Grey is …"

"He deserved it!" George interrupted Alex to make a point in his defense.

"But I'm not going to kick his ass I'm just going to castrate him with a ten blade and you can all have the satisfaction of watching…" Burke managed to keep hold of Christina as the Chief stared speechlessly at them all as he finally understood his top neuro surgeon hadn't just risked his career for plain jealousy he had done it in justified defense of the women he loved. It was Izzy who broke the growing angry silence

"But where is Mer… and is she okay I mean shouldn't we go to her???"

"She's with Kate at Shepherd's tailor, apart from a black eye and bruised ribs she's sore but she'll be ok. McDreamy's staying with her!" Bailey who had been listening intently to Christina suddenly turned on Jake.

"Boy what possible reason could you have for what you have done? You sick or something…"

"I'm sick because I had a problem watching those two carry on like they were in front of the whole hospital… I was drunk I didn't mean it to go as far as it did!!!" Jake spoke for the first time, looking for some kind of understanding in a room full of people looking at him with disgust in their eyes.

"So you were jealous is that it huh??? You put that fine woman who you proclaimed to love through probable hell because you were jealous that another more deserving man was paying her attention… Please your pathetic, lousy good for nothing ass deserved everything it got today! Hell I'm half tempted to give you a piece myself!" Her last remark caused everyone to smile except for Jake who whitened as the Chief looked directly at him.

"Dr Harrison once you have been checked over I want you in my office to discuss your future or lack of one at Seattle Grace!!!"

**I KNOW NO MER/DER BUT YOU HAVE TO BE PATIENT!!!**

**AS ALWAYS READ ENJOY AND PLEASE REVIEW!!!!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Opening the front door Izzy smiled warmly at the man stood waiting looking nervous his hands buried in his pockets.

"Hey Dr Shepherd." Derek smiled at her obvious pleasure at seeing him. It had been three days since he'd broken Jake's nose. Three days in which Meredith had refused to speak to him but ironically the exact four people who had hated him the most previously had now decided to take up camp firmly on his side, which included Christina.

"Is she here…"

"She's sleeping." Derek's face fell as he couldnt stop himself from wondering whether that was what Meredith had told her to say, because no matter how much they might like him now Meredith was their family and she came first. Izzy sighed knowing exactly what he was thinking and stopped him before he could turn away.

"Meredith is_ really_ sleeping but if you promise to not wake her you can go up, it's just she hasn't been sleeping great since you know the whole Jake thing!" Derek didn't need to be asked twice and on his way past flashed her one of his best, most grateful smiles.

Derek pushed her bedroom door open carefully remembering how much it used to creak from what seemed like another life time ago when she had used to sneak him into the house. He stood there for he didn't know how long watching her with the help of the landing light, not making a noise he was content simply to listen to her breathing. It was only as he turned to leave that she stirred, crying out in her sleep a sound of so much pain and distress it tore at his heart. Uncaring of her reaction if she woke to find him in her bedroom he moved round to what had once been his side of her bed, close enough to see her face he could now see her tears. Wanting only to soothe her Derek kicked off his shoes, joined her under the covers and gathered her to him.

"Shush its okay it's just a dream," Comforting her as he would a child he stroked her back telling her she was okay now because he was here.

Even through the haze of her nightmare Meredith felt his warmth surrounding her pulling her back from the terror and into a sleepy wakefulness where for the first time in three days she felt safe. She knew what she should do and that was to take herself out of his arms and angrily demand an explanation of what the hell he thought he was doing, but she didn't because she was just too glad that he was there to take her pain away once again.

"This does not in any way mean that we are having sex Derek Shepherd because I am not having sex with you! Neither does this mean I am in anyway ready to forgive you for making me the talk of the hospital once again! Understood?" Derek couldn't help but chuckle.

"Perfectly but what makes you think I want to have sex with you anyway Meredith Grey?

"You don't??? Well good!" She sounded just like a child who wasn't sure what she wanted and Meredith hated most of all that she sounded disappointed.

"Actually I do, so if you change your mind I am willing, very in fact…"

"I wont but its nice to know…" Moving slightly in his arms she leaned up and kissed him before pulling them both into a more comfortable position, her head resting on his chest his hand linked with hers as he kissed the top of her head.

"For a year I needed you like this but you were never here…" Her voice was little more than a whisper but to Derek's guilty heart it felt as if she had screamed at him.

"I'm here now doesn't that count for anything???" He returned her whisper his own voice sounding as broken as hers had.

"But whose to say you wont leave again… You asked me to take you on faith once before and look where it got me… Maybe its just too late now…" Though she was half asleep he knew what she had said was straight from her heart.

"So what can I do Meredith???"

"All I want is to believe in you, show me its safe to believe in you again Derek…" Derek sighed pressing a kiss into her hair, that night when he had first taken her to the trailer he had asked her to take the rest of him on faith and she had… This time he had to make her want to hold out her hand again, to smile at him like she had that night and to prove to her this time he wasn't going anywhere.

"Oh just look at them…" Izzy whispered to George as she watched them through Meredith's open door. Looking over her shoulder George frowned.

They're not having sex… I definitely thought they would be! He deserves it after what he did to Jake for her!" But Izzy shook her head sighing romantically.

"No this is better … He's being all dreamy and its what she needs, you know someone to hold her…"

"Its not very Meredith…" George added taking his eyes off the couple to look at Izzy.

"Oh Georgie look she's smiling in her sleep… And you know she's not all dark, she has squishy and gooey places too."

"And apparently so does Dr Shepherd…"

"I am not asleep and as a surgeon and as a man I do not have any kind of squishy or gooey places! Dr O'Malley you should be embarrassed…" Derek told them smiling as George started to mumble

"Oh I am sir. Izzy this is your fault I am a man not a girl!"

"Goodnight Dr Shepherd." Laughing Izzy closed the bedroom door and still smiling Derek raised their joined hands and kissed Meredith's.

"Just for the record I quite like dark twisty Meredith."

"Mmm and just for the record I don't have any yucky places either cos if I did I would have forgiven you but I haven't so I don't." Derek laughed kissing her hair again as he squeezed her tighter.

"You say that now but you will..."

**SO HOW DOES DEREK MAKE HER BELIEVE… ANY IDEAS YOU HAVE WOULD BE GREAT BUT AS ALWAYS READ, ENJOY AND PLS REVIEW!!!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Huddled in her dressing gown at the kitchen table Meredith nursed a large mug of hot coco as she stared up at the wall clock. She knew she really should try to get some more sleep as she had to be up in four hours for her first day back at work, since the incident with Jake and since he'd been transferred out of their program. But sleeping meant nightmares, nightmares where she didn't always manage to get out of the house or if she did it wasn't always Derek's arms that were there to catch her it was Jake's. Last night safe in Derek's arms had been the first time there hadn't been any, once she was in his arms it felt as if they left the whole world and its problems behind but that wasn't always a good thing. Like this morning before he had left, he had kissed her till she couldn't see straight but as soon as they had broken apart all the old doubts came straight back along with the lingering feeling of uncertainty that was around whenever he wasn't.

"You know you could just call him? I'm more than sure he would jump at the opportunity…" Izzy placed the phone down on the table and sat down opposite her.

"And say what??? I know, hi Derek so will you come over and sleep in bed with me but no sex remember, it's just when your with me I don't have nightmares… Seriously Izz???" Meredith grimaced causing Izzy to laugh.

"No I wouldn't quite put it like that… Okay maybe you could just talk you two do, do that sometimes right?"

"Strictly speaking I am still not talking to him and anyway we don't do the whole call each other up for some polite chit chat thing… It's not us!" Izzy gave her one of her most annoying happy smiles as she purposefully put the phone in Meredith's hand.

"Maybe if you two had done more talking in the first place instead of communicating by eye sex and actual sex you wouldn't be in this position now… So just call McDreamy!"

Derek leaned back against the nurse's station and groaned as he ran his hands through his hair.

"It's a shame I'm the only one around to watch, I hear the women around here like you best all moody with that whole tortured thing going on!" Derek laughed out loud turning to find an almost smiling Dr Bailey.

"Have you had the chance to have a talk with my sister Kate? I think you'd find a lot to talk about."

"Oh we did… your stupidity! Nothing like you, I'd thank my lucky stars for that if I was her…"

"Mmm I'm sure she does every night..." Derek nodded as Bailey moved to stand in front of him only to frown at him.

"So what's your plan" As he continued to look confused her frown grew heavier

"About Meredith Grey you big lump, as if any thing else has crossed your brain in the last twelve hours!"

"I don't know… I love her but you know that already because somehow you know everything that goes on around here and she has no faith in me…"

"So show her, prove to that girl you're worth the risk you arrogant neurotic dumb ass… That girl hasn't known up from down where you're concerned since she met you, even stuck around after your wife turned up!" As an idea started to build in his head Derek's frown was replaced with a large smile, bending his head he quickly kissed her cheek and moved off down the hall before she had time to react.

"Miranda Bailey I love you!" He called over his shoulder grinning at her outraged expression.

"Huh can't see what the fuss is myself… Dreamy my ass!"

He was just settling himself on the bottom bunk in the on call room when his cell phone rang, a pleased smile lighting his face as he saw the caller id.

"I just kissed the Nazi," he spoke into his cell as he lay down on his back.

"You did what?" Meredith lead down in her own bed thought she had heard wrong, she knew it was definitely him as she'd punched his number in ten times before letting it ring and no one else's voice affected her this way.

"I kissed Miranda Bailey,"

"Do you have a death wish?" Her soft chuckle made his heart jump into his throat.

"No but I think she gave me the answer to a really important question without knowing it, anyway why aren't you sleeping?" He didn't miss her pained sigh and it told him what she never would. "The nightmare huh, is it worse cos I'm not there…"

"Actually you know what I'm fine, maybe I should …"

"Meredith if you put the phone down I will be on your doorstep in ten minutes… unless that is what you want???" he teased knowing sometimes it was the only way to reach her.

"Shut up…"

"Why because I'm right?"

"Go away." She said but he could hear the reluctant laughter in his voice.

"You don't mean that, you know I could come over?"

"No, no its okay I'll be fine really Derek, it was more Izzy's idea to call she thinks we never talked enough!" She said and Derek sighed as he recognized the truth in Izzy's words. They had never really talked enough, especially not about the important stuff and maybe it was words as well as actions she needed to convince her he would always be there.

"Maybe she's right, maybe we should talk…"

**BIT OF A FILLER CHAPTER I KNOW BUT IT'S KINDA NEEDED SO AS ALWAYS READ, ENJOY AND REVIEW!!!**


End file.
